The Center for Neuropsychology and Counseling

Many people come to therapy looking for direction. Whether it’s wanting to navigate an issue, finding identity, processing pain, or just wanting to feel better, we all want to find answers for the things that are troubling us. The difficult part is that there is no set path to follow, no manual that gives us step-by-step directions, no easy fix or cure-all. Every person is unique which means that our problems are also unique. To this point, our problems require individual approaches. What works for your partner, friend, or colleague might not work for you (and vice versa). 

While this may be true, it doesn’t make the struggles in our lives any less real. So what do we do with this? 

Finding Direction

Oftentimes, when we are struggling, we become lost. We are overwhelmed by the pain, confusion, or difficulty of our current situation and come to lose sight of how we want to live our lives. This is where our values become incredibly important… They give our life meaning, helping us to live a more gratifying and fulfilling life, even through the worst storms.

Now…you might have heard about values before in school or work and are wondering “how can values help me figure out my problem?” In Hayes’ Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (also known as ACT) values are not just morals or goals, they are leading principles that guide and motivate us as we move through life. They are statements about what we stand for, what we want to be doing in life, and how we want to behave. The idea is to make conscious choices to live BY our values as much as we can! Put more simply… “is this behavior aligned with my values or not?”

Values are:

• Ongoing – How we want to act on an ongoing basis (how we move through daily life)
• Global Qualities –  How we want to engage in these ongoing actions: thoughtfully? respectfully? skillfully?
• Desired – Is this value something I actually want or is it something that I feel like I should want? (values should be truly yours regardless of societal expectations)

Important note: values can be tricky to name because we often confuse them with goals. 

• Goals are concrete, future-oriented outcomes like: getting a job, finding a partner, or completing school. Values are on-going and represent the principles behind our goals like: to be responsible and collaborative, to be loving and connected, to be knowledgeable and ambitious
• Values are not the end to a means, but a means to an end… They are embracing the journey, not the destination!

Now that you know what values are and are not, try to think of your own values. Here’s a helpful exercise that lists some example values (there are more that aren’t mentioned here) and helps you to pick what is important to you.

(https://www.think2perform.com/values/)

While these exercises are helpful and can provide you with a good starting point, there are many values that aren’t listed and may feel more aligned with you. Spend some time thinking about your values, answering presently and truthfully… really trying to know yourself more!

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Ok so now you know your values! These are the key to helping foster meaning and fulfillment in our lives. The next question is: “Now that I know what’s important to me, what do I do with this information?” 

Stay tuned for Part Two of this post where we Go For It!