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Tips for parents

Raising Independent Children: One Choice at a Time

by Stacey Gagliano, PhD Published on:

As children grow, so does their desire for independence. From a toddler insisting on choosing their own clothes to a teenager wanting more privacy, these moments are a natural and important part of development. As parents, it can sometimes be difficult to find the balance between giving children room to grow and providing the guidance they still need. Fortunately, supporting independence does not mean stepping away from parenting. It means finding new ways to support your child as their needs evolve.

      • Offer Choices Whenever Possible

      One of the simplest ways to encourage independence is to give children opportunities to make decisions. For younger children, this might mean choosing between two outfits or deciding which book to read before bed. When necessary, offer controlled choices. This means offering two or more choices, all of which you would be comfortable with your child selecting. For example, rather than asking what they would like for dinner, let them choose between two options you are prepared to make.

      As your child grows, self-expression becomes increasingly important and may warrant allowing for more flexibility in certain areas of choice. Their clothing choices, hairstyle, or bedroom decorations may not reflect your personal preferences, but these can be meaningful opportunities for your child’s unique identity development.

      • Encourage Responsibility at Home

      Independence also involves learning to contribute to the household. Assigning age-appropriate responsibilities, such as putting away laundry, feeding a pet, or helping to empty the dishwasher, allows children to develop practical skills and a sense of responsibility.

      These contributions do not necessarily need to be tied to an allowance or reward. Maintaining a home takes effort from everyone, and participating in household responsibilities is part of belonging to a family.

      • Create Opportunities for Connection

      As children enter adolescence, conversations may become more difficult to initiate. You may start to hear “I don’t know” more often than you would care to. Rather than insisting on a face-to-face discussion, try connecting through activities they enjoy. Take a walk, play a board game, or go out to lunch together. Sometimes, teens open up more readily when talking does not feel like the primary focus.

      When your child does open up, resist the urge to immediately offer solutions. Consider asking, “Would you like my advice, or would you prefer that I just listen?” Not every problem can be fixed, and not every emotion needs a solution. Sometimes, children and teens simply need reassurance that their feelings are valid and that you are willing to listen without judgment.

      • Model the Skills You Want to See

      Children learn from what we do, not just what we say. Do your best to show them how you use flexible thinking, healthy coping strategies, and accountability in your daily life. When you make a mistake, acknowledge it and apologize if the situation calls for it. When plans change, show them how you adapt. When you feel overwhelmed, show them how you manage those emotions.

      No parent handles every situation perfectly. The goal is not perfection but rather to show your children that you are doing your best, just as would expect of them.

      • Remember That Boundaries Still Matter

      Supporting autonomy does not mean always saying yes. Sometimes, the answer will be no, and that is okay. Parents have the responsibility of preparing children to become independent adults while also protecting their health and safety.

      The goal is not to eliminate boundaries, but to create opportunities for independence within them. Children can learn that their opinions and feelings matter, even when they do not get their way. By balancing freedom with guidance, parents can help children develop confidence, responsibility, and the skills they need to navigate an increasingly independent world.

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      Specific Learning Disorders (SLDs): Diagnoses and Types

      by Hannah Corrado Published on:

      Specific Learning Disorders (SLDs) are neurodevelopmental disorders that affect how the brain processes and uses information. Contrary to popular belief, it is not a measure of intelligence nor does it mean that a person cannot do academic tasks. It does mean that there are difficulties in acquiring and using basic academic skills, typically in reading, writing, and mathematics. In medical or outpatient settings, these are labeled as disorders as described in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5-TR) while in school settings, they are labeled under the special educational classification of Specific Learning Disability and have different criteria. The DSM-5-TR criteria are as follows:

      • Difficulties in learning and academic skills, as indicated by the presence of at least one of the following symptoms, that have persisted for at least six months despite the provision of interventions targeting those difficulties:
        • Inaccurate or slow and effortful word reading
        • Difficulty in the comprehension of the meaning of what is read
        • Difficulties with spelling
        • Difficulties with written expression
        • Difficulties mastering number sense, number facts, or calculation
        • Difficulties with mathematical reasoning

      There are three main types of learning disorders. Dyslexia (a commonly acceptable term synonymous with a Specific Learning Disorder in basic reading skills) is the most well-known learning disorder that impacts a person’s ability to read. This can manifest as struggling to recognize sounds within words, reading fluently, or comprehending what has been read. Dysgraphia is a term that can be used to refer to the specific learning disorder associated with writing. Individuals with this dysgraphia may make grammar or spelling mistakes, struggle to write in a structured or clear way, or find it difficult to neatly form letters on a page. Dyscalculia refers to the third specific learning disorder described, which affects a person’s mathematical abilities. Someone with this diagnosis may struggle with basic calculation, solving complex math problems, or completing multi-step mathematical tasks. Although most children with an SLD are diagnosed with dyslexia, they can also underperform in aspects of writing and mathematics. 

      Specific learning disorders are common. Research has estimated that 5-15% of school-age children across different cultures have an SLD in at least one of the three areas. Additionally, there is a link between SLDs and emotional difficulties. Those with a Specific Learning Disorder experience more emotional distress compared to their peers without one, possibly due to perceived feelings of inadequacy or failure even though they may be trying their best. As a result, school dropout and co-occurring depressive and anxiety symptoms are common. Therefore, assessing for an SLD when concerns arise is important so that schools can provide targeted educational accommodations for each student. The evaluation process, its results, and recommendations help prevent long-term psychological and social challenges and hopefully make learning more enjoyable for all students. 

      If you suspect you or your child are experiencing a learning disorder and would like to be evaluated or receive therapeutic support, please contact our office at (215) 491-1119. 

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      Integrating Clinical and Classroom Data to Build a Seamless Support System: A Three-Part Series

      by Brittnie Blanchard, PsyD Published on:

      Part 1 – School vs. Psychological Evaluation: Which Path Is Right for Your Child?

      Evaluations come in a variety of forms and may be completed by several different providers. While it seems natural to think that all evaluations are the same, that is simply not the case. One major set of differences exists between psychological evaluations and school-based psychoeducational evaluations (i.e., Evaluation Reports, or ERs, and Reevaluation Reports, or RRs). These evaluations differ both in their purpose and in their conclusions.

      Psychological evaluations are assessments conducted by a licensed psychologist to evaluate an individual’s cognitive, emotional, and behavioral functioning across environments, including home, school, and community. They are generally pursued in the service of gaining a deeper understanding of an individual’s strengths, weaknesses, and needs across life domains in order to inform treatment, support, and/or diagnosis. They can help to answer questions like: Does the individual need self-regulation skills, executive functioning coaching, or social skills development? Would the child’s parent benefit from parent coaching? Does the individual’s family need support in caring for this individual? Are there clinical recommendations that would benefit this individual in the school setting and other settings? Is the child or individual in need of community-based services and support (e.g., county assistance, waivers, social security)? Primary conclusions in a private psychological evaluation may include a diagnosis from the International Classification of Diseases (ICD) and the Diagnostic Statistical Manual of Psychological Disorders (DSM). Psychological evaluations do not determine special education eligibility, but they can make recommendations for eligibility and suggest interventions to school-based teams.

      On the other hand, school-based evaluations are used to determine a child’s (aged 3-21) educational needs and whether that child has a disability and requires specialized instruction under the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act (IDEA). They are completed by a school psychologist (an “educational specialist” who is certified by the state’s Department of Education, not the same as a licensed psychologist), and/or other school professionals. The outcome of a school-based evaluation emerges in the form of a disability classification(s) identified by IDEA law, not a diagnosis. Using the classification(s) and evaluation outcomes, schools tailor educational programs to support the individualized educational needs of children within their walls. They answer questions like: What does this child need to effectively access the educational environment? What classroom modifications may be helpful? Does the child need related services such as speech-language therapy, occupational therapy for fine motor skills, or assistive technology? What is the child’s learning profile? What is leading to the academic, emotional, social, and/or behavioral problems in the school setting? Although school evaluations do not produce a diagnosis, they may lead school teams to suggest psychological evaluations to the families of their students for further assessment.

      The takeaway is clear: school and psychological evaluations are complementary approaches to ensure a child gets what they need. However, to avoid the trap of “evaluation confusion,” families must recognize that these two reports serve different purposes: one is governed by federal law and guidelines and the other by clinical standards.

      Evaluation Cheat Sheet: Know the Difference

      • The Scope: A psychological evaluation looks at the individual across all environments (home, social, and community), while a school-based evaluation focuses strictly on how a disability impacts educational performance.
      • The Outcome: Psychological evaluations result in a diagnosis (using the ICD and DSM-5). They provide a differing perspective on the root causes and mechanisms of presenting symptoms and identify individual strengths and weaknesses which then inform comprehensive, individualized interventions. They are also beneficial to accessing some service within the community. School evaluations result in an educational classification (under IDEA), which is the “key” to unlocking an IEP and supporting educational performance.
      • The Evaluator: Psychological assessments are conducted by Licensed Psychologists who can provide clinical diagnosis; school assessments are conducted by School Psychologists or educational specialists to determine special education eligibility.
      • The Terminology Trap: Having a diagnosis of “Autism” does not automatically grant the school classification of “Autism” (or vice-versa). To qualify for special education supports, the school must show that the condition creates an adverse impact on learning.

      To dive into deeper understanding of disability classifications and diagnoses, look out for our next blog entitled A TALE OF TWO LABELS: ONE CHILD, TWO DIFFERENT WAYS OF BEING “IDENTIFIED.”

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      Supporting Children Through Big Emotions

      by The Center in PA Published on:

      Emotion regulation isn’t about stopping big feelings; it’s about learning what to do with them. Kids feel emotions just as deeply as adults do, but they don’t quite have the tools to manage those feelings yet in a way that is safe and appropriate. That’s where emotion regulation comes in and where adults play a really important role.

      Emotion regulation is the ability to notice, manage, and recover from emotions in a way that appropriately fits the situation. For children, this can look like hearing “no” without having a full-blown meltdown, feeling excited without losing control of their body, and being disappointed while still staying safe with their words and actions. When children struggle with emotional regulation, it often shows up in tantrum-like behaviors, such as hitting, stomping, throwing objects, or screaming. These behaviors aren’t signs of a “bad” child, but instead signs of undeveloped or what Dr. Ross Greene calls “lagging skills.” It’s also important to understand what emotion regulation isn’t. It’s not pretending everything is fine and forcing a smile during uncomfortable moments. And it’s certainly not living in a world where no one ever gets upset. Emotion regulation is about learning how to feel emotions and manage them.

      Emotion regulation is a learned skill. We are not born learning how to calm ourselves down, tolerate frustration, or cope with disappointment. For children especially, this is a skill that develops slowly over time and takes lots of practice. The prefrontal cortex is the part of the brain responsible for impulse control and decision making, and for children, this is still very much underdeveloped, making it difficult to pause before reacting. Before they can self-regulate, they must first co-regulate. Co-regulation is the process in which an adult helps a child regulate their emotions through connection, validation, and modeling. Adults already have more developed emotional and cognitive skills. When we stay grounded and validate a child’s experience through a calm tone, we’re essentially teaching them over time how to do this for themselves. Most parents can relate to the exhaustion and frustration that comes with frequent tantrums. Co-regulation is important because emotions can be contagious and when your child is dysregulated, your nervous system often feels it too.

      Simple Strategies to Support Emotion Regulation

      1.         Label the Emotion

      Naming feelings helps children make sense of what’s happening inside of them. For example, “It looks like you’re feeling really frustrated right now.”  The key here is to validate the emotion without validating the behavior. Labeling helps show your child that you understand what they are feeling while also helping them learn to notice and name their own emotions over time.

      2.         Adjust your Tone

      This can be incredibly hard when you’re also frustrated, but a calm voice can reduce the intensity of the child’s emotional response. Your tone can often be more regulating than your words!

      3.         Use a Grounding Exercise

      Grounding techniques help regulate the nervous system and bring the body out of fight or flight. Practicing these techniques before a meltdown occurs makes them more accessible during hard moments. Some tools include:

      ·  Deep breathing (belly breathing, blowing out the candles)

      ·  Progressive muscle relaxation

      ·  Cold stimulation (splashing cold water on the face or using an ice pack)

      ·  A movement activity (going for a walk, stretching)

      Emotion regulation is a skill children develop over time, and they need adults to help them practice in real moments. With calm co-regulation, validation, and consistency, children can build the skills necessary to navigate emotions in a healthy way.

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      Staying Grounded in a Digital World

      by Anastasia Checcio, PsyD Published on:

      Social media is woven into our everyday lives. For many teens, young adults, and parents, scrolling has become a common way to relax, stay connected with others, and “catch up” on what’s happening in the world. While social media has its upsides, it can quietly affect our mental health in ways we may not notice. For example, you might find yourself feeling more self-conscious, distracted, restless, or less content after scrolling – subtle signs that your time online may be influencing your mood and overall well-being.

      The good news? You don’t need to delete your social media to feel better! Making a few small tweaks in your online engagement can make a big difference in protecting your mental health. 

      1. Check in with yourself while you scroll 

      Do you notice that some accounts leave you feeling inspired, while others leave you feeling anxious or drained? After spending time online, take a moment to check-in with your mind and body – how do you feel? Your emotional state after engaging with content can offer valuable insight into how your feed on social media is affecting your mental health.  

      As you become more aware of how scrolling affects you, practice noticing it in real time. Social media activates reward pathways in the brain, which can make it difficult to stop scrolling even when it’s no longer enjoyable or starts to cause mental strain. To stay intentional, find ways to prompt yourself for brief “check-ins.” For example, try setting a 15-minute timer when you open an app. When it goes off, pause to notice how you feel: are you relaxed or drained? Are you scrolling on autopilot or consciously engaging with content that feels good for you? These mindful pauses can help you regain control, strengthen self-awareness, and use social media in ways that support your mental well-being. 

      1. Recognize the comparison trap

      As humans, we are wired to compare ourselves – it’s part of how we make sense of the world around us. On social media, most people share their “highlights,” which rarely reflect their day-to-day reality. This can distort our perception, leading us to measure ourselves against carefully curated and filtered versions of other people’s lives. This comparison can trigger feelings of self-doubt, anxiety, or low mood. 

      If you find yourself slipping into the comparison trap, consider taking a pause to remind yourself that social media is not real life – it’s a snapshot, not the full story. This simple pause can help you shift perspective, ground yourself, and reduce the emotional impact.  

      1. Reclaim your rest

      Is scrolling your go-to during down time? Is it your last activity before bed? You’re not alone. Many people appreciate the mindless distraction of scrolling, but it often doesn’t restore the mind in the way that true rest does. In fact, late-night scrolling can disrupt sleep quality and make it harder to unwind. Try setting a “last scroll” time about 30-60 minutes before bed to give you brain space to settle. 

      Instead of scrolling, choose a calming, repetitive activity that helps signal to your body that it’s time to rest. This might include coloring, knitting, reading, or taking a warm shower. These gentle, low-stimulation tasks place less strain on your brain and support the natural onset of sleep, helping you to wake-up feeling more rested and clear-headed. 

      Social media isn’t inherently harmful – it’s an important tool in our everyday lives. The key to healthy online engagement is awareness. By noticing how social media affects your mood, challenging moments of comparison, and setting intentional boundaries around when you use it, you can cultivate a healthier relationship with social media. These small adjustments can protect your mental health and help you use technology in ways that support, rather than drain, your well-being.  

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      Suicide Prevention: What to Know

      by Stacey Gagliano, PhD Published on:

      Part 1: Children/Adolescents

      Suicidal ideation is a serious concern that affects individuals across all ages and backgrounds. Suicide is the 11th leading cause of death in the United States. In 2021, suicides nearly doubled the number of homicides in the U.S. and in 2022, it was the second leading cause of death for those aged 10-14 and 25-34, and the third for those aged 15-24. Unfortunately, suicide rates have seen a troubling increase over recent years. From 2000 to 2018, the rate of suicides in the U.S. rose by 37%. 

      Understanding who is at risk and recognizing the warning signs can be crucial in preventing tragedy and providing timely help. In this two-part blog, we’ll explore key factors that contribute to an increased risk for suicidal ideation, important warning signs to be aware of, as well as what you can do if someone you know is struggling with these thoughts and feelings.

      Who is at Risk? – Youth

      • Identity questions: Struggles with sexual or gender identity can lead to increased risk.
      • Victims of bullying.
      • Access to lethal means: Availability of firearms or other means can heighten risk. Firearms were involved in over 50% of all suicide deaths in 2022.
      • History of self-harm or previous attempts.
      • Mental health diagnoses such as anxiety and depression, and/or struggles with chronic medical conditions.
      • Recent loss: Youth experiencing significant losses are at higher risk.
      • Witness to violence or family history of suicide.
      • Lack of social support: can increase feelings of isolation.
      • Lack of access to mental health resources or services.
      • Stigma: Cultural or societal stigma around seeking help can prevent individuals from reaching out.

      Recognizing the Warning Signs

      • Verbal threats of death, seeking access to weapons, and/or talk of death/dying
      • Hopelessness and rage: Feelings of despair, rage, or seeking revenge
      • Changes: Neglecting personal appearance, changes in appetite, and/or withdrawing from friends/family
      • Engaging in reckless behavior
      • Feeling trapped: A sense of being trapped with no way out
      • Making arrangements: Preparing for end-of-life matters, like updating a will or saying goodbye
      • Increased substance use
      • Mood swings: Dramatic changes in mood or personality
      • Loss of purpose: Feeling that life has no meaning or purpose

      What Can I Do to Help?

      If you are the parent/guardian of a child who struggles with or is at risk for suicidal ideation,

      • Take steps to reduce access to lethal means in your home.
        • Remove all firearms from the home, or at a minimum, ensure that they are all locked and inaccessible to your child. Store bullets separate from the guns.
        • Secure all medications and sharp objects in your home as well.
      • Seek the support of a mental health provider. Ensure that an appropriate safety plan is created.
      • In the case of an emergency, call 911 or bring your child to your nearest emergency room for an evaluation. You may also wish to contact mobile crisis intervention services in your area.

      Hotlines

      • Suicide Prevention Lifeline:  Call or text 988
      • Crisis Text Line: Text TALK to 741-741
      • National de Prevencion del Suicidio:  1-888-628-9454
      • The Trevor Project (Crisis line for LGBTQ+ youth): 1-866-488-7386
      • National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline: 1-866-331-9474
      • The National Runaway Safeline: 800-RUNAWAY (800-786-2929)

      Check our social media for more resources and useful information.

      Sources

      Part 2: Adults

      Understanding who is at risk and recognizing the warning signs can be crucial in preventing tragedy and providing timely help. In the following blog, you will find risk factors and ways to help that are specific to adults. For more information on this topic, please see the previous blog on Suicide Prevention in Youth.

      Who is at Risk? – Adults:

      • Comorbid Diagnoses: People with multiple mental health conditions are at higher risk.
      • History of Self-Harm or Previous Attempts: Past behaviors are strong indicators of future risk.
      • Recent Losses: Significant life changes, such as losing a job, facing financial difficulties, or experiencing the death of a loved one, can increase vulnerability.
      • Chronic Problems: Ongoing issues with the legal system, unemployment, or troubled relationships can exacerbate mental distress.
      • Physical Disorders: Conditions affecting the central nervous system, such as epilepsy, Alzheimer’s Disease, or spinal cord injuries, can heighten risk.
      • Other Medical Diagnoses and Chronic Pain: Chronic illnesses like cancer, autoimmune diseases, or HIV/AIDS also play a role.
      • Substance Use: Abuse of alcohol or drugs significantly raises the risk of suicidal thoughts.

      What Can I Do to Help?

      Recognizing these signs early and offering support can make a significant difference. See the previous blog on Suicide Prevention in Youth for a full list of warning signs.

      If you or someone you know is exhibiting these signs, seek professional help immediately. Suicide prevention is a community effort, and being informed is the first step towards making a difference. If someone you know is at risk:

      • Be sure to check in with them regularly.
      • Be a supportive listener and do not jump to problem solving.
      • Focus on validating their feelings and reminding them that you are there for them.
      • Provide them with resources (can be found below).
      • In the event of an emergency, of course, dial 911. You may also wish to contact mobile crisis intervention services in your area.

      Hotlines

      • Suicide Prevention Lifeline:  Call or text 988
      • Crisis Text Line: Text TALK to 741-741
      • National de Prevencion del Suicidio:  1-888-628-9454
      • National Domestic Abuse Hotline:  1-800-799-SAFE (7233)
      • The Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender National Hotline: (888) 843-4564
      • Trans Lifeline: (877) 565-8860

      Check our social media for more resources and useful information.

      Sources

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