The Center
for Neuropsychology and Counseling

Many people come to therapy looking for direction. Whether it’s wanting to navigate an issue, finding identity, processing pain, or just wanting to feel better, we all want to find answers for the things that are troubling us. The difficult part is that there is no set path to follow, no manual that gives us step-by-step directions, no easy fix or cure-all. Every person is unique which means that our problems are also unique. To this point, our problems require individual approaches. What works for your partner, friend, or colleague might not work for you (and vice versa). 

While this may be true, it doesn’t make the struggles in our lives any less real. So what do we do with this? 

Finding Direction

Oftentimes, when we are struggling, we become lost. We are overwhelmed by the pain, confusion, or difficulty of our current situation and come to lose sight of how we want to live our lives. This is where our values become incredibly important… They give our life meaning, helping us to live a more gratifying and fulfilling life, even through the worst storms.

Now…you might have heard about values before in school or work and are wondering “how can values help me figure out my problem?” In Hayes’ Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (also known as ACT) values are not just morals or goals, they are leading principles that guide and motivate us as we move through life. They are statements about what we stand for, what we want to be doing in life, and how we want to behave. The idea is to make conscious choices to live BY our values as much as we can! Put more simply… “is this behavior aligned with my values or not?”

Values are:

• Ongoing – How we want to act on an ongoing basis (how we move through daily life)
• Global Qualities –  How we want to engage in these ongoing actions: thoughtfully? respectfully? skillfully?
• Desired – Is this value something I actually want or is it something that I feel like I should want? (values should be truly yours regardless of societal expectations)

Important note: values can be tricky to name because we often confuse them with goals. 

• Goals are concrete, future-oriented outcomes like: getting a job, finding a partner, or completing school. Values are on-going and represent the principles behind our goals like: to be responsible and collaborative, to be loving and connected, to be knowledgeable and ambitious
• Values are not the end to a means, but a means to an end… They are embracing the journey, not the destination!

Now that you know what values are and are not, try to think of your own values. Here’s a helpful exercise that lists some example values (there are more that aren’t mentioned here) and helps you to pick what is important to you.

(https://www.think2perform.com/values/)

While these exercises are helpful and can provide you with a good starting point, there are many values that aren’t listed and may feel more aligned with you. Spend some time thinking about your values, answering presently and truthfully… really trying to know yourself more!

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Ok so now you know your values! These are the key to helping foster meaning and fulfillment in our lives. The next question is: “Now that I know what’s important to me, what do I do with this information?” 

Stay tuned for Part Two of this post where we Go For It!

When most people think of anger, they imagine outbursts, harsh words, or slammed doors. Anger is often treated as something to be controlled or avoided. But anger is not always the problem. More often, it is a signal. It is less about destruction and more about protection. Think of anger as the bouncer outside the nightclub of your emotions. The bouncer is not warm, gentle, or vulnerable. His job is to look tough, to keep trouble out, and to make sure no one gets too close to what is inside. Anger works in the same way. It stands guard, shielding the softer and more fragile feelings that live within us—hurt, fear, sadness, and grief. 

Anger as Protection

Anger often arrives quickly and forcefully, but rarely is it the whole story. Beneath anger, there is almost always something more tender. It might be the pain of feeling dismissed or unworthy, the fear of abandonment or failure, or the sorrow of losing something important. Showing those deeper feelings can leave us feeling exposed or unsafe. So anger steps forward. It says, “Stay away. You will not see what I am holding inside.” Anger does its job well, but when it is the only emotion we recognize, we risk losing touch with our true experience.

The Invitation Behind Anger

When anger shows up, it is not only there to defend. It is also there to invite us inward. If we can pause and ask ourselves, “What is my anger protecting?” we may find something essential waiting to be acknowledged. Sometimes anger is covering hurt, a wound to our dignity or our sense of belonging. Sometimes it shields fear, the sense that we may lose someone or something we depend on. Sometimes it guards grief, the quiet ache of loss that has not yet found its voice. By moving through anger and into the feelings it protects, we allow ourselves to respond with greater honesty, both to ourselves and to others.

Meeting Anger with Curiosity

The next time anger rises, try meeting it with curiosity rather than resistance. Notice its presence and even thank it for protecting you. Then gently ask yourself what lies beneath it. What softer emotion is the bouncer guarding? As you make space for the pain, fear, or grief that rests underneath, you begin to open the door to deeper self-understanding. Anger becomes less of an enemy and more of a guide, pointing you toward the emotions that most need your care.

Why This Matters

If anger is the only voice we express, our relationships often become strained and cycles of defensiveness grow stronger. But when we recognize anger as a protector of something more vulnerable, we gain the chance to meet ourselves and others with compassion. Anger is not the last word. It is the bouncer reminding us that something precious is inside. Something worth noticing. Something worth protecting. And most importantly, something worth feeling.